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  "My birthday party. You're doing a barbecue by the way."

  He opened the fridge, grabbing two beers. "Right." He opened the bottles and handed me one. "You want a party?"

  "Nope. Clearly doesn't mean I'm not getting one, though."

  "Ah, just go along with it. Much easier that way."

  That was Dad's motto. He liked the quiet life so he said at least a hundred times a day yes, Julia.

  "How is everything going? We've not had a chance to talk in a while."

  He meant since he found out, when Mum went dancing upstairs to tell him, that I was with Chlo now.

  "Going good. She does tend to step back when people are around, though."

  "Give it time, it's a change for everyone."

  "Yeah, I know." I took a swig of beer. "Good change or...?"

  "My son is happy. As a parent that's all you want."

  "That simple?"

  "Yes," he replied. "It was more of a shock to me than your mum and apparently, that's because I'm a clueless man but the bottom line is, you could love a girl that used to be with your brother, love a man, or even a goat and as long as you're happy, I'm happy."

  Alright, I wasn't great with father/son moments but that meant a fucking lot to me. "Thanks," I replied. "If I fall for a goat though, I'd like you to try talking me out of it."

  "Okay, I came into this conversation at the wrong time," Chloe said, standing at the door, raising her eyebrow. "Something I should know?"

  I held my arm out and she hesitated for less than a second before curling her body into mine. I loved the way she always put her hand on my chest whenever we stood like that, there was no reason for that arm to do anything, the other one was around my back, but that one always had to touch me.

  "I was just telling Logan that if he wanted to have sex with a goat I wouldn't think any less of him," Dad said, smiling around the top of the bottle.

  She looked up at me, eyebrow rising higher. "Well, your dad might not..."

  "Don't worry, you're better looking than a goat." It was impossible to keep a straight face.

  "Wow, thanks." She took the beer out of my hand and stared up at me, smiling.

  "So, Logan's having a party, hey?" Dad said.

  "Yes, we've organised everything."

  "Why a party?"

  Good question, Dad.

  She bit her lip before replying, "Because everything's good now. We've made it through losing Jace. Me and Logan are back to normal... Well, I use the term normal pretty loosely but you get what I mean."

  I raised my eyebrow, she didn't look at me but she did fight a smile.

  "Logan hasn't celebrated a birthday in years and even before Jace died he never really did much."

  I got it, this year I was happy so why not go all out?

  Dad nodded. "I think it's a great idea. My son turning twenty-three is definitely something to celebrate and you're right, Chloe, we could all do with a good ol' celebration."

  Chloe beamed. "See, this is a good idea."

  I kissed the top of her head. For once, having a party for me didn't seem like the most terrible idea in the world.

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  Chloe

  To say I was nervous was an understatement. "I should've stayed at home and pretended I was ill," I said to Cass as noise from both sets of Logan's grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins buzzed around the room.

  Logan's slightly early birthday celebration with family was in full swing and he was determined not to hide away. I was all for being together out in the open, finally, but I wasn't sure how confident I was that doing it at his party was a great idea. Surely it would be more considerate to everyone to sit down and tell people individually? Everyone in this room loved Jace, and loved me and Jace together.

  Cassie laughed. "Calm down, it'll be fine."

  "Hey," Nell snapped, appearing in front of us all of a sudden and snapping her fingers in my face. "Will you stop looking so bloody guilty. You're here to tell your bloke's family that you're happy together and you look like you're doing something wrong. Enough!"

  Her eyes looked a darker green that I'd ever seen them, she was mad and/or pissed off and rightly so. I had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach but clearly I looked like they'd already condemned me.

  "Anyway, I'm going to get another one of those mini burgers, they're so cute."

  She was gone as quickly as she appeared like the little whirlwind she was.

  "Nell's got a point," Cassie said. "Relax."

  Nodding, I took a deep breath. "Where is Logan anyway?" I asked, trying to look over the crowd of their teenaged cousins playing on the Wii. They were blocking the view from the living room to the kitchen.

  "Kitchen making some concoction he calls a cocktail for mum and my aunts."

  "They're letting him do that?"

  She shrugged. "Clearly they're too trusting. I bet he sneaks at least three extra types of liquor in that aren't in the recipe."

  "Right, I'll be avoiding that then."

  "I dunno, I might have some after this week."

  "Oh?"

  "Not bad, just very long. I was ready for Friday evening by Tuesday morning. Reception work is exhausting. Receptionist seems to cover general slave duties too."

  "Yeah, I bet. Plus, you can't sleep with your boss to get ahead."

  Her boss was a stuffy old man that tried to fire a woman for asking him out for coffee before she realised he was engaged. He was claiming sexual harassment. The miserable old fucker should've just been flattered.

  She lifted one shoulder and let it drop. "I could try but it'd be my last day."

  "Problem solved."

  "Yeah, but then I'd have to become a stripper to pay the bills."

  Logan stopped abruptly in front of us, looking appalled. "Wow, that was bad timing," he said. "Anyway, Chlo, you ready to be introduced to my family?"

  "I've known your family for years, Logan."

  "You know what I mean, smart arse."

  My heart was in my stomach. I was so not ready to be introduced as Logan's girlfriend but I did want everything out in the open. It would make my day if me and Logan could just be a normal couple.

  He held his hand out and I felt like I was going to throw up as I took it. Being with him, holding his hand, felt so natural. He tugged me closer, letting go of my hand and tucking me under his arm. It wasn't particularly intimate so no one batted an eyelid.

  "Why're you considering stripping, Cass?"

  She stopped looking at us like she was cooing over a litter of puppies and rolled her eyes. "I'm not, just had a rough week at work. I'll stick with answering phones, filing and being a slave for now."

  Logan seemed satisfied with her answer so he turned us away from the safety of conversation with his sister. His grandparents, his mum's side so I was more worried because they were closer to the family, were right in front of us talking to Julia.

  They smiled as if nothing was going on until Logan kissed my temple. We'd moved from friendly arm around the shoulders to something coupley and their smiles faded.

  "Logan?" Ann said.

  He stood proud when I wanted to climb inside his hoodie and hide. Why did I care so much what everyone else thought?

  "Yes, Nan?"

  "What's going on?"

  He faltered a little but it was a slight tense so I was the only one to catch it.

  "Me and Chloe are... Well, we're me and Chloe."

  "Together?" Ann squeaked.

  Shit.

  "Mum, calm down," Julia said.

  "You knew about this?"

  Alan, Logan's grandad, put his hand on Ann's shoulder. "Julia's right, calm down, love. The least we can do is allow our grandson explain what's going on."

  "I just did explain, Grandad, I'm with Chloe."

  By this point everyone in the room had stopped what they were doing and we were the main attraction. Nell shot daggers at Logan's grandparents from across the room.

  "But she's J
ace's girlfriend," Ann said.

  And that was exactly what I feared. Jace died three years ago and I'd moved on but when it came to me being with his brother I was still Jace's and probably always would be.

  Logan tensed to the point where it couldn't have been just me that noticed. It was now my time to say something. I closed my eyes and felt Logan's body stiffen more and more the longer the silence went on.

  "I'm not Jace's anymore, Ann. When I felt ready to move on I never thought I'd want it to be with Logan but it is and there's nothing I can do to control that. There's nothing either of us can do."

  And with that short speech all the tension left Logan's body.

  "There's always something you could do," Shona, Julia's sister, said. "You didn't have to act upon it. Logan, Jace is your brother for crying out loud!"

  "Julia, are you supporting this?" Ann asked.

  Julia, bless her, stood her ground. "Yes, I am. Logan is my son. They're happy and I won't ever stand in the way of that."

  "Jace is your son, too," Shona said.

  "He is, and I know for a damn fact that he would react with more grace, dignity and understanding than you are right now. Jace loved his brother and Chloe and I don't care what any of you think but he would never want either of them to be unhappy. If anyone dare says otherwise you clearly did not know my son at all."

  "Jace isn't here so we can't ask him," Ann said.

  "Get out," Julia said. Her voice was so icy calm it sent a shiver down my spine. "Anyone that doesn't understand can leave now."

  Most left, although a few of Logan's aunts and uncles did say they were supportive but felt it was best if they left. Logan's paternal grandparents hugged us both and said they'd rather leave as it was getting late anyway but that we had their blessing.

  I watched people filter out in a daze. It took less than five minutes from them finding out to leaving. It didn't look good. I wanted to throw up. Nell did her staring dagger bit to everyone that walked out of the door and Ollie soon joined in.

  What happened was exactly what I was afraid of.

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  Chloe

  When the front door finally closed there were only three guests left, Julia's brother, Marcel, his wife, Clarissa, and their daughter, Stacey. And Nell and Ollie of course.

  I wanted to cry. That was actually much worse than I could have ever imagined. I didn't want to break apart a family. Julia was close with her mum and sister and I'd never seen them argue before.

  Clarissa hugged Julia. "Don't worry, it'll blow over soon enough."

  "I won't apologise to anyone for supporting my child," Julia said.

  "And you never should have to. I'm sure it was the shock. It was very unexpected. Leave them to cool off and they'll see how wrong they were to react that way."

  "Are you okay?" Logan whispered in my ear.

  I shook my head. "No, I feel awful."

  "None of that," Daryl said, pointing at me. "You have nothing to be ashamed of."

  "Dad's right," Cass said. "I'm so sorry for how they reacted. Family shouldn't do that. Clarissa's also right though, they will realise what they've done."

  What if they didn't?

  I leant against Logan, trying to hold it together. It didn't look good for us. We couldn't break up his family. I couldn't do that. They treated me like their own, all of them, and I couldn't betray them.

  Shortly after they left and Ollie took a reluctant Nell home, we were alone. Julia, Daryl and Cassie made an excuse to go to the kitchen, obviously feeling awkward around us. The atmosphere was tense and I could tell they were eager to give us some space.

  Without saying a word, I walked up to Logan's room and he followed like I knew he would. I felt cold.

  I couldn't get their words out of my head, the way they looked at me, like I was some evil bitch that was out to hurt them in any way I could. They looked at me like I wanted to stomp all over Jace's memory, like I'd moved on so easily and didn't care anymore.

  Sitting on the bed, I tried to figure out what I was going to do. Logan tiptoed around me, straightening his room up in complete silence. I hated tension between us and right now it was palpable.

  Faces of Logan's horrified relatives flashed through my head on a loop. I couldn't stop seeing the disgust. I couldn't stop seeing the hurt in Julia's eyes when she argued with her family and defended both sons. She shouldn't ever have to do that; everyone knew she loved them both equally, or they should.

  "Logan?" I said, unable to watch him tidy any longer. He was quite a tidy person but whenever he cleaned he made noise, whistled, sang or messed around.

  "Don't, Chlo. I know exactly what you're about to do." He closed his eyes, clenched his jaw and sighed. "Please, just don't."

  Everything inside me turned to stone.

  "Your family is falling apart."

  "They've had no time to process it. This was my fault. I thought they'd be cool right from the start but they need time. I was an idiot but I'll talk to them."

  "And what if they still don't like it? What if it's something they can't get past?"

  "Then that's their problem."

  "No, it's not just their problem though, is it? It'll never just be their problem. It's ours, too. Hell, it's your parents'! I can't be the reason your mum doesn't talk to her sister or parents, not after everything she's done for me. Please, understand that."

  He threw the t-shirt he was holding back down on the bed. "I can't lose you. Please, understand that."

  "You won't lose me."

  "It sounds that way. You want to bail again. Fuck sake, Chloe, why is your instinct always to run?"

  "That's not fair. This isn't about me."

  "Yeah, actually, it is. This is hard, I get that, but it's always going to be hard at first. How are we ever going to make it when you keep hurling us back to the start?"

  Groaning, I stood up. "Logan, I want us to work but maybe we can't. Maybe there's just too much for us to ever have a real shot. We're not just trying to work through differences in opinion or lifestyle here."

  I heard the air leave his lungs sharply. "You're talking like we're already done."

  Emotion, deep and painful, slammed into my chest and I found it hard to breathe.

  "I don't know what else to do. I won't come between you and your family, not ever."

  "Wow," he said, turning around. "That's fucking great, Chloe. You've decided this for us yet again. I never get a choice."

  "Logan."

  I saw tears in his eyes before he turned his head. "Don't. You've made your decision, so you should go."

  "Logan..."

  "Please go, Chloe."

  I didn't want to leave. He made no sound but I could see how cut up he was. I could tell he was crying. I'd never felt so low or so awful in my whole life.

  "Go," he whispered so quietly I almost couldn't hear it.

  I left his room and his house as quickly as I could. Cassie saw me leave but I'd slammed the door behind me before she got off the sofa. From the tears that poured down my face she would understand what had just happened between me and Logan and be on her way up to him. I needed her to go take care of him.

  Getting to my house seemed to take forever and no time at all. I didn't remember the journey, just the searing pain of losing him and the knowledge that I needed to not be driving soon because I couldn't hold off breaking down for much longer.

  The feeling of complete loss was something I'd felt before but this time it took my breath away. It hurt so much. I felt sick it physically hurt that much.

  Logan was one of the best things - if not the best thing - to happen to me and I'd thrown it away, again.

  ***

  I missed him so much I felt like I was going insane. Every time something happened, even if it was nothing important, my first instinct was to go tell Logan. It had been just one day but I already knew I couldn't be without him for much longer.

  As messy as everything was at the minute I had to have hi
m in my life. I had to make it up to him and his family. Hopefully, Julia and her family would have made up by now. I wanted nothing more than to be with Logan but I wasn't prepared to split his family up. Julia had already been through enough, she lost a son, I wouldn't be the reason she wasn't talking to her parents and sister.

  Mum peeked her head around the door. "How're you doing, love?"

  I smiled or at least I tried to. "I'm alright. Think I'm going to text Logan in a bit."

  She stepped into my room. "In a bit? Why not now?"

  "I'm a big chicken."

  "Come on, I'm sure he's dying to hear from you. Text him and get this put right. You were happy again and I can't even begin to tell you how much of a relief that was."

  Was happy, but now I couldn't have Logan. Unless his family would be okay we couldn't be together. Girlfriends and boyfriends come and go but this was family.

  Chapter thirty

  Logan

  I'd never been that big on birthdays. Every year I'd get asked how it felt to be a whole year older when in reality I was just a day older than before. I didn't feel anything; it was just another day.

  This year was worse than any other. Everyone tried to be cheerful and positive around me when I just wanted to smash things, shout and drink. I wanted something to make it stop feeling like I was freefalling into a bottomless black hole.

  Walking downstairs, I plastered on a probably too obvious fake smile so Cass wouldn't be able to call me the Miserable Birthday Bastard this year.

  "Happy Birthday!" Mum, Dad and Cassie sang in unison.

  "Thanks," I replied, really trying to sound happy about the fact that I was now twenty-three, living at home, and missing Chloe so much I could barely think straight.

  "Breakfast or presents first?" Mum asked.

  "You didn't have to get me anything."

  Cassie rolled her eyes. "Of course, we did, it's your birthday."

  Well, hurray for me.

  "Breakfast sounds good then."

  There was no Chloe, of course. It was also the first birthday in years that she hadn't joined us for breakfast. I was dying to ask if she was coming, even though I knew she wouldn't. A simple, casual no Chloe? would do but I couldn't force the words out of my mouth.

  Mum and Dad went to the kitchen to cook and as soon as Cass sat down on the sofa and looked up at me, I knew I should've gone with them. She was going to ask questions.