After the End Read online

  It was about three weeks before Robbie died. I’d been on a night out with Linc, Jack, and Hanna. When I got home, I realised that I wasn’t one bit tired and didn’t want the night to end. So, I snuck out and threw stones at Linc’s window, but after ten minutes, I figured he was asleep.

  “By the time I realised there was something there, you’d gone. What did you want?”

  I shrug. “I don’t know really. I couldn’t sleep.”

  “Ah, so you thought I shouldn’t either.”

  “Precisely,” I reply, laughing at him.

  “Well, I’m sorry. I wish I’d gotten up sooner. We could have hit up the old haunted house.”

  I scrunch my nose. “Absolutely not.”

  There is a house in town that has been vacant ever since I can remember. It’s big and creepy with ivy growing all over it. And it’s supposedly haunted. A few people have been in there and come out, telling tales of ice-cold wind blowing where doors and windows are closed, things falling or moving of their own accord, and strange scraping sounds.

  I don’t know if I believe in ghosts, but I’m perfectly okay with never finding out.

  “One day, Tilly.”

  “Nope.”

  “I didn’t think you were scared of anything … besides spiders.”

  “I’m not scared of spiders, just that one spider. It was the size of a cat. You didn’t see it.”

  Chuckling, he tilts his head in my direction. “I might not have seen it, but I sure heard your scream.”

  I was in my room, looking out the window, waiting for thunder after a strike of lightning, when the massive bastard dropped down from above. And I’m pretty sure it was growling, too.

  “Whatever. I’m not scared of spiders, but ghosts freak me out.”

  “You believe in them?” he asks, his eyes sharpening, ready to dissect my reply in his head.

  “You’re asking if I think Robbie is a ghost? If I think he’s still here?”

  Linc doesn’t respond, but his silence speaks volumes.

  With a sigh that sounds heavier than I feel right now, I reply, “I have to believe he’s somewhere. I couldn’t stand it if there was nothing for him now.”

  “I don’t think he would go far, Tilly.” He playfully narrows his eyes. “He once said, if he was invisible, he’d hang out in the women’s shower at the gym.”

  “Ew. I didn’t need to know that.”

  He had better not.

  And why the hell have I never thought about pervert ghosts before? They could watch everything.

  So, I’m never having a shower, a bath, or sex again.

  I’m already not getting the latter.

  “You should get home,” he says with a smile. “I’ll see you tonight when you break out.”

  Rolling my eyes, I salute. “See you later, Linc.”

  I get out of the car and walk into my house, feeling even lighter, like someone has removed a ball and chain that was shackled to my ankles. Even through all of the confusion, I feel good right now.

  Linc being home should have been the worst thing to happen. My parents and I always hoped they would sell the house without returning, but having him here, it’s … freeing. Somehow, he’s opened the door to healing. He’s making me want to sort my life out, and I want to move forward. All the things that stopped being super important to me after Robbie died are slowly reappearing.

  I open the front door and immediately know something isn’t right. The lights are off, all of them, but I can hear deep breathing in the living room.

  “Mum? Dad?”

  They’re not supposed to be home yet.

  My pulse hums as I move deeper into the house, approaching the living room door.

  I poke my head around the doorframe and grip the wood with the tips of my fingers. Mum is sitting on the sofa with her head in her hands, sobbing quietly.

  The ball and chain is firmly back.

  “Mum,” I call softly, stepping into the room.

  Her spine stiffens, hands frantically wiping her eyes. She faces away from me, but I can see well enough.

  “Tilly, darling, how are you?”

  When she stands and turns around, she’s smiling, but her eyes are red and puffy.

  “What happened?” I ask.

  “Oh, nothing, just a little cry. I take it Legoland was good? Are you hungry? I’ll put the kettle on and then make you something to eat.” She whisks past me like she’s on a time-sensitive mission.

  “Mum, why were you crying?” I ask, following her into the kitchen as she switches lights on.

  She’s not getting away with crying her heart out in darkness and trying to pass it off as a little cry.

  Her hand circles the handle on the kettle so hard; her knuckles turn white. “I miss him; that’s all.”

  She cries for Robbie a lot, but what I just witnessed—the all-consuming, crippling grief that threatens to swallow a person whole—hasn’t happened in a good year.

  “That’s not it. You were in the dark. How long have you been in there, crying?”

  It’s been dark for about two hours now, and she must have gotten in that state a while before that to have not turned any lights on in the house. I’m taking steps forward, and she’s taking steps back.

  Am I stealing hers? Does something have to give for me to be able to move?

  Could Linc be the best thing for me and the worst thing for her?

  He will have to go if that’s it. I will finish the Reids’ house for them if my mother’s mental health is at risk.

  She has worked so hard to pull herself out of her deep depression and only been off her medication in the last six months. She can’t go back there.

  “Tilly, he’s my son, and sometimes, I miss him so much, I can’t breathe, so I let it out.”

  “I’m worried.”

  Tilting her head to the side, she smiles. “Don’t be.”

  “You were doing so well.”

  “I still am. Bad days happen.”

  Bad days happen, sure, but that was something else entirely. That was raw pain, like it had just happened, not like four solid years and a lot of therapy had taken place between.

  This doesn’t feel right.

  “Is it Linc?” I ask, going in for the kill. Best to get it all out there and be honest.

  That’s what we were told in our group therapy sessions, that we had to be open with each other. We only ever did that in those sessions, and when that hour was up, we’d go back to pretending we were fine.

  She flicks the kettle on and turns around. “What do you mean?”

  “Is Linc being home opening old wounds?”

  “Those wounds aren’t going to go away.”

  “No, not for me either, but they’re healing. You were dealing better than you had been.”

  When she came off the tablets, there was a period of time when things got worse as her body adjusted to the hormonal change, but she worked harder to wade through those emotions and take them head-on. She’s not all right, but she’s making progress.

  “Sweetheart, I’m okay. I don’t feel the way I did before, but there will always be times where it’s unbearable. That doesn’t mean that, when my tears dry, I won’t get up. I made a promise to you that I wouldn’t allow myself to go back to a place where I couldn’t get out of bed. You’re just as important to me as Robbie, and I will be there for you.”

  “I’m not trying to imply that you aren’t there for me again.”

  “I know.” She steps around the worktop and tugs me into her arms. “I’m okay, and it has nothing to do with Lincoln being home.”

  I hug her back until she lets me go. “All right.” Smiling, I realise I believe her. She’s not bullshitting, like she got so good at. “Want to make some popcorn and watch a movie?”

  “That would be lovely,” she replies.

  “Cool. I’ll go and pick something.”

  And I also need to message Linc and let him know I won’t be sneaking out tonight.

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nbsp; 25

  Tilly

  I haven’t seen Linc in two days. Not a peep. He replied to my message, letting me know that he was fine with me cancelling, and we’ve texted a couple of times since then, but apart from that, nada.

  Late last night, Greg called and asked me to meet him for breakfast. He wouldn’t give anything away, but I could tell from the sober tone in his voice that it was going to be more than a casual meeting.

  Greg is now opposite me in the restaurant and sips his coffee. Since I got here five minutes ago, he’s barely said a word. Anything I say, he responds with simple one-syllable words.

  I’m not sure what’s going on, but it’s pretty pointless and kind of rude to invite me somewhere and ignore me.

  “So,” I prompt, “is everything okay?”

  His eyes twitch, and his hand tightens around the mug. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

  “You seem … distracted.”

  “How was your weekend away with your friends?”

  Ah, is that it? Is he pissed off because he wasn’t invited?

  He’s not really friends with any of my friends, only me. It wouldn’t have been a very fun weekend with him, particularly since he hates Linc.

  “It was good, thank you. Greg, are you upset because I didn’t ask you to come?” I cringe as I ask.

  The only real and deep conversations we’ve had are about Robbie and how I’m dealing with his death. Everything else has been somewhat off-limits. We have just never opened up about our feelings.

  His eyebrows almost touch his hairline. “Is that what you think? Tilly, I can’t stand Lincoln, Ian, and Jack, and I barely know Hanna and Mel. No, I’m not upset that you didn’t ask me to come, too.” The snarky tone in his voice has my spine stiffening.

  “Then, why are you being so hostile? You’ve asked me here, but you don’t seem to want me here. Has something happened? You can talk to me, you know.”

  “You’ve forgiven him then?”

  “I’m sorry?”

  “Lincoln! You went away with him, and you’re keeping it from your parents. Have you forgotten what he did?”

  My fingertips dig into my mug. Have I forgotten?

  “I’m choosing not to spend the rest of my life being angry. Linc was stupid that night, but no more so than Robbie and certainly no more than Stanley. I don’t want to punish him for the rest of my life. It’s exhausting, Greg, and it only makes me feel worse.”

  “So, that’s it? All is forgiven because he moves back and lays on the charm?”

  “Lays on the charm? I’m not sleeping with him!”

  There isn’t much charming going on, but Linc isn’t really the kind of guy who needs to charm a woman. There is something about his height, muscular physique, gorgeous blue eyes, and nonchalant attitude that have women falling at his feet.

  But I don’t need to mention that to Greg now.

  “Tilly, he’s bad news. He moved away with his family. He chose his murderer of a brother over—”

  I slam my free hand on the table, seething. “Don’t. Things aren’t that black and white, and you know it. Everyone turned on the Reid family, but the person to blame for Robbie’s death is Stanley.”

  “His parents kept him out of prison, Tilly!”

  “I remember, Greg. As much as I hate their decision back then, you can’t seriously tell me you’re surprised. They’re his parents, and none of that has anything to do with Linc.”

  He shakes his head, clenching his jaw. “So, everything goes back to the way it was with you and him? He might not have been driving, but he was drinking, too.”

  “Also a fact I remember.” My chest burns. I press my fist against the fire. “I don’t know what you’re not hearing, but if you want to blame him for someone else’s actions forever, then go ahead, but it’s not going to get you anywhere. This isn’t even your fight, so why are you so angry over this?”

  “I’ve been there, Tilly! Over the last four years, I’ve been there for you when you’ve fallen apart. That’s why I can be fucking pissed off over this.”

  “And I’ve always thanked you for being there. You know how grateful I am for that. But Linc isn’t Stanley. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of, and every single one of us has made mistakes, but how long are you people going to make Linc suffer for his?”

  “Have you had this conversation with your parents?”

  “That’s none of your business.”

  He laughs bitterly. “So, no. You don’t know what you’re doing, Tilly, and that worries me. You want to forgive him, and you want things to go back to how they were before, but that can’t ever happen. Deep down, you know it’s not that simple. What does being friends with him mean? You’ll have to hide from your parents and his parents. You’ll have to hide from the whole town because the second someone sees you and him getting pally, it’s over.”

  “You’re overreacting.”

  “Am I?”

  No, he’s not really. Everything he’s saying is true even if he’s a bit melodramatic. Being friends with Linc isn’t going to be easy, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. We might have to keep things on the down-low for a while, but I’m sure my parents would be okay with it in time. Lots and lots of time.

  But that’s not really going to be an issue since Linc is leaving once his old house is renovated. He has another life, one I’m not part of, a hundred miles away.

  “Everything you’re saying, I’ve said to myself. They are things I battle with on a daily basis, but I’m not going to let fear rule my life. Linc was my friend.”

  “Was, Tilly.”

  Oh my God, I can’t believe I’m having this argument with him like we’re in high school. My life is filled with bullshit drama, and I’m tired of it.

  “Look, this is how things are now. I’m friends with him, and I’m friends with you. It’s fine if you don’t like it. I won’t hang out with you together anyway. I don’t see why this has to be a big deal.”

  Greg pushes his mug into the centre of the table and stands up. The metal chair scrapes against the stained flooring. “I need to leave then.” He throws some cash down to cover the coffees.

  “What? Greg?”

  Shit, he’s actually going. What the hell?

  I reluctantly let go of my coffee since I’ve not had nearly enough caffeine for this shit and jog to the door where Greg has just burst through.

  He can’t just go all crazy boyfriend on me when he’s not even my boyfriend and walk away. Not happening.

  “Hey!” I snap, running until I catch up with him outside the entrance to the park. “Greg, what are you doing?”

  Spinning around, he throws his hands up. “I’m not doing it, Tilly.”

  “Doing what?”

  “You want him. I get that loud and clear now. You wanted him then, and nothing has changed … even though everything has changed.”

  “What are you saying? Linc and I are friends.”

  “Of course you are. I’m not blind. I thought things might change for us, but seeing how quickly you let him back in proves it won’t.”

  I don’t like where this is going at all.

  Taking a breath, I hold my hands up, and Greg relaxes a little.

  “You want things to change for us? Greg, I …” I don’t feel that way!

  “Oh, I get it, believe me.”

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper. My stomach turns stone-cold. “Can we still be friends? You’ve been so good to me. I don’t want to lose you.”

  He rolls his eyes. “You can’t have us both.”

  “I don’t have either of you. I want to be friends with you and him.”

  “It doesn’t work that way, Tilly. I can’t stand by and watch you get closer to him. If there is no chance for us, then I need to walk away for good.”

  “Tilly?”

  Oh, he has the worst timing.

  I turn my head toward the sound of my name. Linc is standing still, fists clenched by his sides just enough to show his displea
sure at the sight of me and Greg but not too much that he looks threatening.

  Greg, however, looks like he wants to rip Linc’s head off. His face is red, and his blue eyes look almost black as he glares.

  “Hey,” I say, squirming at the awkward energy buzzing between us all. “What are you doing here?”

  Linc’s eyes flick from Greg to me, chest puffing, as he assumes I asked him why he’s here because I’ve been caught out. Even if there was something between me and Greg, it wouldn’t be Linc’s business. Nothing has happened between us, though it feels like everything has happened between us.

  “I’m meeting Ian and Jack.”

  “Cool.” I wince, rubbing my lips with my index finger. Cool. That’s the only word that came to mind. I am so uncool.

  Greg scoffs, his nose turned up. “I’m going. You might as well go inside with her and sit down, Reid.”

  “Greg,” I start, but he holds his hand up, asking for me to stop.

  There seems to be no point in dragging this out and making anything harder for anyone, but Greg is my friend. He’s been there for me so many times. I appreciate that, and I don’t want to lose him. Still, I can’t force him to want to stay friends, and I can’t give him what he wants if my heart isn’t into it.

  “You win,” Greg says as he storms past Linc.

  My hand hits my forehead, and I groan. I head back inside because there are people out here, and they’re looking.

  Linc follows as I shove the door open and head back to my table.

  I don’t look, but I hear Linc take a seat at the table.

  “Hey,” he says tenderly. “What just happened?”

  I lift my head. “Greg just walked away from our friendship. He’s been here through so much. He helped me a lot when Robbie died. Now, he’s gone.”

  Linc’s chin dips, but his face is blank.

  Is he feeling guilt over Robbie? Because he wasn’t there?

  Because we all know the reason Greg has cut me off now has everything to do with Linc being back.

  “I’m sorry, Tilly.”

  “You ever feel like your whole life is one big ride, and you’re watching parts of the rail fall off, but you can’t do anything about it?”

  His eyes meet mine, and the rail seems a bit steadier.