Our Chance Read online

  "And how many sexual partners have you had?"

  I winced. "Ballpark?"

  She looked up through her lashes and cocked her eyebrow. "That will do if you're unsure."

  Shifting awkwardly in my seat, I replied, "Forty to fifty."

  Her sharp looks and manner made me feel like I was under siege but I could well be dreaming it because I felt like an arsehole.

  "Alright, and when was the last time you had unprotected sex?"

  Nell. About a month ago in the front seat of my car, we were coming back from a night out and she got rather horny and carried away. The memory of having her bareback on top of me in a confined space got me hot under the collar.

  "Err, that was about four or five weeks ago," I replied, trying to keep my cool. Nell had better take me in the car like that again after doing this for her.

  "And do you think you could have an infection? Are there any changes you've noticed or anything you're concerned about?"

  "No, but I was in Kavos last week and thought it's probably time to get checked out."

  "Did you have unprotected or oral sex while you were there?"

  "Not unprotected sex."

  She smiled and nodded her head. "Okay, I'll need a urine sample to test for chlamydia and gonorrhoea, and a blood sample to test for HIV and syphilis. Since you have no symptoms or changes in your genitals, we don't need to test for herpes."

  I rubbed my hand over my face. Shit. When someone utters the word HIV things become very real. I was nervous and worried even though I knew I'd been careful. "Can't we do the other one, too? I'd like to test for everything," I said, seriously stretching the definition of the word like.

  "As you wish," she replied. "Can you please roll up your sleeve so I can take the blood sample?"

  I shoved my sleeve up past my elbow and rested it on the arm of the chair. She removed a needle from a packet and popped a tube in the end. The needle pinched as it pierced my skin and I watched my blood trickle into the tube but it was over in seconds.

  "Alright," she said, placing a cotton ball where the needle entered as she slowly extracted it from my vein. "Keep pressure on that for a minute and it should be fine. Unless you'd like a plaster?"

  Was she serious? "I'm fine, thank you."

  "Okay. I'll give you a minute to undress from the waist down and lay back on the bed."

  My eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Sorry, what?"

  "I need to take a swab of your urethra for the herpes test."

  I instantly jerked forwards and pressed my legs together. "You what? I thought this was all done by urine and blood now?"

  "Most are but..."

  "Oh God, I can't believe I'm doing this," I muttered.

  "If you'd prefer not to that's fine. I honestly don't believe you need this test. We don't usually do it unless a patient has experienced sores on their genitals or anus."

  This day just keeps getting better and better.

  "Perfect," I said dryly. "It's fine, I'll be happier knowing I'm clear of everything."

  "Okay," she replied and turned around. "I'll give you a minute, let me know when you're ready."

  I would never, ever be prepared or ready for what she was about to do.

  Nell had better give me the mother of all blowjobs after this. I put the cotton ball dotted with a speck of my blood down on the chair and dropped my trousers. Hopping on the table, I laid my head back on my arms.

  "I'm ready," I said, taking a deep breath.

  She was back, eager to do this and hurt I'm sure. "Alright, this won't take long and I'll be as gentle as I can."

  Too fucking right she would.

  Usually a pretty woman in a nurse-like getup touching my dick would get me hot and hard but knowing what was coming had it trying to shove its way inside my body. I felt something on the tip and braced myself. She pushed it inside and my eyes widened. I grabbed hold of the sides of the bed and clawed the faux leather material.

  "Fuck. Fucking hell, fuck. Get it out!"

  "Almost done." I was positive I saw her crack a smile. She pulled the swab out and I cowered, covering my area and closing my eyes.

  That did not feel good.

  "There. Are you alright?"

  Do I look alright?

  "Fine," I bit out. She turned around again and I used the opportunity to get my trousers back on fucking quickly. I pulled up the zip, careful not to let it rub because it still felt tender. There had to be a better way to do that.

  She looked at the details I'd filled in while I was waiting. "You'll get your results via text message like you opted for within a week. If you test positive you'll be invited back so we can discuss the results and plan treatment."

  "Okay. Is that all?"

  Laughing quietly, she nodded. "That's all."

  "Thank you," I replied and got the hell out of there as soon as I could. Why would anyone volunteer themself for that? Something was very wrong with me. I loved all kinds of sex with Nell and would do just about anything to get her naked but this was insanity.

  Nell

  I sat opposite Chloe in Bella Italia enjoying my lunch hour and a break from The Ogre and his offspring. We had just ordered and she now had her serious face on. Her amber eyes were distant and dreamlike.

  "What gives, Chlo?"

  "Me and Logan are going to Scotland to look at this gorgeous castle you can get married in and I wondered if you'd come too?"

  What? "Okay, back up. Scotland?"

  "Logan's great grandad was Scottish...apparently."

  "So you want a wedding in Scotland because a member of his family that he's never met was-"

  "No, that's not the only reason. I want it to be away, somewhere that's not ten minutes down the road."

  "A castle?"

  She rolled her eyes. "It's not as princess-y as it sounds. The castle is now a hotel and you can get married there."

  "Hey, it's your wedding, have it where you want. But you really want me to come on your romantic weekend?"

  "Well, I thought Damon could come too."

  "Ah, there it is," I said and thanked the waiter as he gave us our drinks.

  She sipped her Pepsi and replied, "There what is?"

  "You playing Cupid. Neither of us are interested in a relationship, Chloe."

  She dropped her straw and held her hands up. "I'm not saying you are. I thought it'd be nice to get away for the weekend. I need your help because if I leave it to Logan..." She raised her eyebrows. "Yeah. Come on, it'll be great, they have a spa so we can chill and Logan and Damon can prop themselves up at the bar."

  She didn't really need to sell it to me; if she needed help I'd be there. Plus I was all over a dirty weekend with Damon.

  "So...?"

  I nodded. "I'm in, and I'll ask Damon later."

  "You seeing him tonight?"

  "I'll talk to him tonight, seeing him tomorrow..."

  "I'm not judging you, Nell. As long as you're happy I'm happy."

  Seeing straight through her fake smile, I asked, "You don't think I'm happy?"

  "I can see you are. I just worry that it won't last, not with the way things are."

  "It's been six years and I've not wanted to marry the guy yet, I think I'll be fine."

  "But what about Damon?"

  I shrugged. "What about him?"

  "What if he wants more?"

  No. Simple. We worked and our situation worked because we were open about everything. If he wanted more I'd know. And I'd run like the motherfucking wind.

  "He doesn't. We're both completely honest with each other and if at any point things change, we'll deal with it."

  "And by that you mean if he wants more you'll end it?"

  I gulped. That was not something I wanted to happen - at all - but we couldn't continue if we wanted different things. "Yeah, I would."

  She tilted her head. "Nell..."

  "I don't want a relationship. Maybe that makes me a freak or whatever but I don't."

  "It doesn't make yo
u a freak. Just be careful, casual rarely stays casual forever. Be happy."

  I nodded. "Happy is the plan."

  Happy was always the plan and there were moments when I did feel happy but it always seemed on a surface-only level. I had fun with Chloe and a lot of fun with Damon but at the end of the day I was still alone. People were more than capable of being happy alone though, so why did I feel like something was missing? It was my choice to stay relationship-free so I should be satisfied with that.

  Life was a never-ending shit sandwich.

  "Good. So, you're at your mum's tonight?"

  "Yep." I went to my mum's for dinner most weeks. When she wasn't with my dad things were better between us and I was happy to go over there. I was making the most of her single stints between the drama. "You doing your fiance tonight?"

  Rolling her eyes, she smiled and then replied, "Absolutely."

  Chloe and I finished lunch and I retuned to work to muddle through the rest of the day, all while wanting to tell my boss what I thought of him and leave. I could really have done with a night in drinking wine and watching mind-numbing TV, but I had to get through dinner with my mum first.

  I stopped off at home briefly to change out of my work clothes and into jeans and a knitted jumper before heading back out.

  "Mum," I called, letting myself into her house.

  I could smell something cooking in the kitchen so headed there. Mum slammed her mobile phone down on the table and gritted her teeth. She then looked up and her face softened. We looked a lot alike; both had the same shape face with high cheekbones, green eyes and black hair. But that was where the similarities ended.

  "Nell, baby, I didn't hear you come in," she said, gripping her hair, twisting it around her hand and shoving in a large, brown hair claw.

  "No, you were too busy smashing up your belongings."

  She made a disgusted noise at the back of her throat and waved her hand. "Your dad called. Arrogant prick wants to come over tomorrow night."

  "Mum..."

  "I know, I know. We're not getting back together."

  I loved both of my parents but growing up they were a nightmare. They first broke up when I was about eight and since then they'd been on and off. I didn't want them to get back together, they were better apart.

  "Well, I hope not."

  "I just said I wasn't. Do you want a drink?"

  "I've lost count of the amount of times you've said that. Coke please."

  She opened the fridge to get my drink and replied, "I mean it, Nell."

  No part of me believed her at all. The last fourteen years I'd watch them both break their promise not to get back together.

  Sighing, I took the glass from her. "Thanks. So what's new? Work going okay?"

  She worked for a private cleaning firm in town, taking care of rich people's houses. She loved that all she had to do was clean and then come home. Mum didn't want any big responsibility that usually went with a high paid job, she was happy to earn just enough. Dad was the same, he drove a lorry for nine hours a day and when his deliveries were done he'd go home. I admired that about them but I wasn't the same. Thank all that was holy I wasn't the same.

  "It's fine, it's fine. What about you? That man treating you better?"

  I turned my nose up and sat down. "It's bearable. I'll find something else soon."

  "You deserve the best, Nelly."

  I hated it when she called me Nelly. It left a bad taste in my mouth.

  Smiling tightly, I replied, "Thanks. Hey, did you decide to give Dave a chance?"

  Dave was someone that she'd met through a colleague at work. I'd heard all good things but Mum's one complaint that he was 'frightfully boring'. Personally I think she could do with boring. Drama was way overrated where she was concerned, and I desperately wanted her to meet someone boring and normal so she'd stay away from her toxic relationship with Dad.

  "Oh, I'm way past all of that nonsense."

  "Mum, you're forty-seven. I don't think you're quite ready to book the OAP home yet. You deserve happiness. Where's the harm in having coffee with Dave?"

  "It wouldn't work out."

  I narrowed my eyes. She'd been open to new relationships in the past and had had a few dates. The only times she wrote a man off straight away was when she was getting back with Dad.

  Why couldn't they just stay away?

  "You don't know that. Don't dismiss someone before you've got to know them." Please just give the man a chance.

  "I'll think about it. How come you're so interested?"

  "Perhaps because I want my mum to be happy in a healthy relationship."

  "We weren't that bad, Nell," she said, lowering her voice in proof that they were that bad.

  I was stunned that those words had just left her mouth and felt like a little kid again. My eyes watered and I felt like leaving. How could she say that? How could she just dismiss what'd happened for all of those years? We were all unhappy for so long and here she was telling me it wasn't that bad. It was horrible.

  I turned away from her, partly because I couldn't bear to look at her and partly because I didn't want her to see me struggle to keep it together. I heard her open the oven and the definite smell of roast chicken wafted throughout the room. "Have you spoke to your dad recently?"

  Why are we talking about him?

  Swallowing hard, I replied, "Um, a couple days ago. He's calling tonight apparently."

  "Hmm, that's good."

  She said it as if he had barely bothered with me since the first of their many breaks. I was as close with him as I was with her and he called me just as much. I really didn't understand the point of being with someone you hated fifty per cent of the time.

  "Mum, are you okay?"

  "I'm fine. Do you want onion gravy or plain?"

  "Whatever you want is fine with me. You're distracted."

  "I'm just having a long week, that's all."

  I didn't believe her. My heart was in my stomach and I felt sick with worry. They were going to get back together and, as always, there would be nothing I could do to change it. Biting my tongue, I helped her finish up cooking.

  There was an atmosphere all through dinner. I could barely eat a thing I was so worried. Years may have passed, I may be an adult now and understand more about their relationship, but I still worried just as much as I did when I was younger.

  Mum brushed her fringe off her forehead and smiled. She was still so proud that she didn't have a single grey and I was plain amazed. I was surprised I wasn't grey already from worrying about my parents so much.

  I couldn't get away fast enough after dessert and helping mum load the dishwasher. I wanted to shout and scream at her and pray that something I said would actually sink in. I wanted them both to stop being so selfish because I could see where this was going and I was tired and terrified of it.

  Neither one of their parents had good relationships and they've copied traits from both, which has led to this mega fuck up.

  I wanted to be done but I hadn't managed to wash my hands of them yet. What would it take for me to be over it for good? I knew I couldn't take it each time but I still stayed by for another round.

  "I'll see you soon," I said at the front door, eager to get home. I needed chocolate and hot bubble bath. And possibly a visit from Damon but I might even be in too much of a bad mood for that.

  "Next week, baby."

  Yeah, we'll see. She'd be back with him by then and I had absolutely no desire to be around them when they were together, ever again.

  "I'll call you," I replied, giving her the best I could do under the new circumstances. I wanted to be able to fool myself that I was just overreacting and they'd stay away but that ship had long sailed. Ignorance wasn't something I could indulge in when it came to my parents anymore.

  "I love you."

  "Love you, too, Mum." I gave her one last smile and jogged to my car just as it started to drizzle.

  Halfway home my phone rang. Damon's name l
it up on the screen and part of the nagging worry at the forefront of my mind vanished.

  I pressed accept on my hands free and said, "Hey."

  "Hey, you left your mum's yet?" He asked.

  "Yeah, almost home."

  "Good, because I'm freezing my balls off on your front step."

  I was momentarily thrown. "Huh? Did I miss plans?"

  "Nope."

  "Then how come you're outside my house?"

  "You said you'd probably be home at eight."

  "And you took that as an invitation?"

  "No, I knew you were just mentioning it but then I thought about you driving in one of those little skirts you wear and I got hard."

  I'd blush if I wasn't so used to it. "Damon, I'm not wearing one of my little shirts."

  "You are in my head."

  "Wow, I'm surprised I'm wearing anything at all in your head."

  He laughed and the sound made my heart race. "Me, too."

  Shaking my head, I replied, "Shut up, Damon. I'll see you in a few and if you're really lucky I'll warm those balls up." He groaned right before I hung up.

  Apparently I wasn't getting my alone evening to wallow and worry but the thought of going home to Damon waiting lifted my mood considerably.

  I pulled into my drive ten minutes later and Damon was sitting on the doorstep. He was definitely the best type of therapy.

  Damon

  My balls had frozen in my boxers by the time Nell pulled into her parking space. She was fully responsible for warming them up, whether she was joking about it or not.

  She got out and lifted an eyebrow. "Stalker."

  "I called and told you I was here, how is that stalking?"

  "Well maybe you're just shit at it."

  Her black hair whipped over her shoulder with a cold gust of wind, she shivered and unlocked her door.

  "Maybe I just got horny."

  Looking behind at me she rolled her eyes. "You definitely got horny. Why else would you be here?"

  I closed her door, holding in because I like spending time with you. Spending time with her was more than physical, we were friends, and I enjoyed her company. And I loved the sex.

  "Touche. How was your mum's?"

  Turning her nose up, she discarded her handbag on the floor and replied, "It was good."

  She didn't share much and there was definitely more to it than what she would ever tell me but we didn't have the relationship where I could probe and get her to talk. If I pushed she'd pull. Until she was ready - if she ever would be - I wasn't getting through.