After the End Read online

  “Am I being unfair to him?”

  She pauses and then shakes her head. “No, I don’t think you are. You told him to stay in the restaurant and the pub rather than making him leave. I get it, Tilly, and no one can blame you for not jumping straight back into the way things were. You can’t help how you feel about him, so don’t beat yourself up over that.”

  I would love to jump back into the way things were. Back then, I didn’t appreciate it enough, but life was pretty close to perfect. My whole future was stretched out before me.

  “I don’t want to feel like this, Hanna.”

  I’m sad all the time. I honestly don’t think I know how to be happy anymore. Every day, I walk around with a big grey cloud over my head, waiting for it to rain heavier. There is no break, no sunlight shining through.

  Right now, I’d even take feeling nothing.

  “Okay.” Her voice turns serious, eyebrows knitting together. “How are you feeling exactly?” She leans forward, ready to dissect everything I’m about to say.

  I lick my dry lips. Keep this about Linc, or she’ll stress. “Sometimes, I want to talk to him, and other times, I want to run in the opposite direction when I see him. I want to go back to being friends and having a laugh, but I know I shouldn’t.”

  “Why shouldn’t you? Linc didn’t kill Robbie.”

  “He didn’t,” I confirm.

  I get that, I really do, but he was part of it. He could have prevented it from happening.

  “But?” she prompts.

  “But he was there, and I’m so angry because the whole thing could have been avoided if they’d just called someone to pick them up. All Linc had to do is say no to Stanley driving. How is that difficult?”

  Hanna reaches over the table and pushes my coffee mug toward me. Rolling my eyes, I pick it up and take a sip.

  “Anger like that is going to eat you up. I’m not saying they weren’t stupid that night, but they never intended for anyone to get hurt. Robbie and Linc believed that Stanley was okay to drive, or they wouldn’t have gotten in that car. They trusted him, and let’s face it; they’d probably done the same thing before without incident. They were young and stupid and thought they were indestructible. It was a horrible accident, babe. Most are preventable—that’s why they’re called accidents—but you can’t predict them. I’m not saying you have to go back to being BFFs with him, but at least don’t keep making yourself hate him even if it’s just for your own sake.”

  “We were never BFFs, Han.”

  “Damn straight! That’s my job. But you know what I’m saying.”

  “Yes. I just need to figure out a way to stop wanting to slap him and hug him at the same time.”

  “He is pretty hot.”

  I deadpan, “Not what I meant.”

  Linc is more than hot. I’ve always thought he was gorgeous with his black hair, dark blue eyes, muscular physique, and full lips. God, those lips are sinful. He’s tall, dark, and brooding, which is sexy as hell. But he is part of something that shattered my heart even if he hadn’t meant to be. That’s really hard to get past.

  I’m trying though because Hanna is right, and I don’t want to walk around with anger weighing me down. It’s exhausting, and it kind of gives me a permanent headache right behind my eyes.

  “Whatever. The dude is smokin’, and if I wasn’t with Jack, I would take every opportunity to press my body up against his rock-hard chest.”

  “Okay! I get it. He’s a fucking Adonis, and I should get over myself, so I can feel his six-pack.” I’m joking, of course.

  I love Hanna, and she’s my person, but she doesn’t get it.

  Grinning, she shrugs. “I think it would help. On a serious note, I do think forgiving him and letting go of the blame you place on him will help you. Robbie would have wanted you to be happy, and he would have wanted you to have your friend back. Linc was always good at bringing you out of yourself.”

  “I’m not in myself.” Smirking, I add, “There’s a really bad masturbation joke in there somewhere.”

  “You loosen up when he’s around. It’s not a bad thing, Tilly. You feel comfortable with him.”

  “Felt comfortable,” I correct.

  “Nah, you still feel it. That’s why you’re so stressed. You think you should give him a wide berth, right? But you clearly don’t want to. I vote you stop listening to your head and give him a chance.”

  “Maybe,” I reply to appease her.

  Hanna means well, so I’m not going to argue with her.

  “All I ask is that you try. Why don’t we all do something? Cinema? No, bowling! We used to bowl all the time.”

  “Um …”

  “Stop overthinking, Tilly!”

  “Fine. All right, count me in.”

  “Good girl. Shall I get Jack to invite Linc, or do you want to?”

  “Jack,” I say. I’m not quite at the point where I’ll ask Linc to go somewhere again. It’s not something that’s ever bothered me before, and I don’t wait to be asked because I’m female, but things with Linc are still strained.

  “Okay.”

  Our food is brought out, and that thankfully takes Hanna’s mind off me for a while. Nothing she said is wrong, but the truth isn’t always well received. When it comes to Linc, I don’t have a very level head.

  “Have you seen much of Greg lately?”

  “No, not properly, but I’m going for a drink with him tonight. He texted me after we briefly ran into each other … right before I ran into Linc.”

  “Oh.” She bites the inside of her cheek while hacking apart a sausage.

  “You mad at that?” I ask, dropping my eyes to the shredded sausage.

  She looks down. “Oops.”

  “What’s going on? Why did you say, ‘Oh,’ like you wanted to say a whole lot more?”

  “What are you and Greg?”

  “Friends,” I reply. “I’ve always been very clear about that.”

  “Yes, I know you’ve told him you guys are only friends, but does he believe that? He’s been hanging around for years.”

  I roll my eyes. “Han, we’re friends. He’s not hanging around.”

  “Would you be bothered if he was one of the friends from high school that you didn’t see anymore?”

  “I’m starting to wish you were,” I mutter, narrowing my eyes.

  She laughs. “I’m sorry. I’ll ease up on you. I knew I should have brought up only one man today.”

  “Okay, we should eat in silence now—unless you want to discuss something about you.”

  “No fun.” She pouts. “But there’s nothing new with me. Jack is driving me crazy with this whole engagement thing.”

  “What?” My eyes bulge. “You’re engaged? What the hell, Hanna?”

  Holding her hands up, she shakes her head. “No, we’re not. I would have told you. He wants us to be.”

  “He proposed?”

  “No.”

  “Okay, I’m confused.”

  “He’s been talking about the future a lot, and apparently, engagement is the next step.”

  Huh?

  “You guys live together, so yeah, I’m with Jack on this one.”

  “Logically, it is. But isn’t that boring?”

  “What would you want to do next then? Kids?”

  “Fuck off, Tilly. I’m twenty-two.”

  “You’re giving me a headache.” I put my knife and fork down and frown. I’ve barely eaten half. That’s not happened before. I always finish an all-day fried breakfast here.

  Hanna notices, too. “You’re done?”

  “Yeah, I can’t eat anything else.” I push the plate away and sip my coffee. My appetite has been nonexistent recently, and it’s annoying because I totally planned to grab a Krispy Kreme before going home.

  Hanna and I part ways after we’ve eaten—her going home to Jack and me going back to my parents’.

  I spend the rest of the day in my room, researching what I need to do to attend university as
a mature student. I’m in my early twenties but considered old for uni. I’m so going to be the sad, single woman crying into her large glass of wine and constantly swiping right on Tinder.

  Greg asked if I wanted him to pick me up, but I told him I’d meet him at the bar, so that’s where I’m going now.

  I take a taxi because I don’t know where tonight will lead. I don’t have to be at work early, and I could really use a few beers.

  Greg’s already sitting at a table with two beers. Greg isn’t bad-looking. He’s tall with blond hair, blue eyes, and a strong jaw. Women fawn over him. He’s had a few girlfriends over the years—none of them have liked me because he and I are friends—but he’s never gotten serious with a girl.

  Hanna’s words haunt me as I head over to the table.

  She thinks Greg likes me.

  He does.

  I shove the thought out of my mind, not having the capacity to overthink that, too.

  “Hey, Greg.”

  Jumping to his feet, he gives me a hug—nope, not overthinking that—and we sit down.

  “How’s your day been?” he asks.

  “Long. Yours?”

  “Good. I got a promotion. You’re now looking at the office manager,” he says proudly.

  “Greg, that’s awesome! Congratulations. Why didn’t you tell me earlier? Then, I could have picked you up, so you could celebrate.”

  “I don’t need alcohol to celebrate with you, Tilly.”

  What does that mean?

  Oh God, don’t start!

  “How’s everything at home? It’s been a while since we’ve met up.”

  “Yeah, things are … weird.”

  “Is Lincoln keeping away?”

  I shrug, grimacing at the awkwardness of covering this topic with Greg. “Well, he’s trying to, but it’s difficult since he lives next door.”

  Greg frowns. “How much longer is he going to be here?”

  “A couple of months perhaps. Hopefully, shorter.”

  “Maybe I should offer to help him, so it’s done faster, and he can get out of your life once and for all.”

  There was a point where I would have jumped at that. But, selfishly, I can’t say it’s been awful for me, having him back. Mum and Dad would hate me if they knew how I felt about hanging out with Linc … or sometimes feel anyway.

  I sip the beer. “Thanks for this, by the way. I appreciate the thought, but it’s okay. Having him back isn’t the worst thing in the world. Besides, I can’t make everything I’m not happy with disappear.”

  Laughing, Greg leans over the table. “No, but I can.”

  “You have Mafia connections you’ve never mentioned?”

  “Good one, Tilly. I mean, I will sort it if you want me to.”

  Sort it? Like he would make Linc leave? I’d like to see him try.

  What would he even do? I can’t see Linc rolling over and letting Greg intimidate him. Or anyone for that matter.

  Linc doesn’t really have many close friends, not too many people he would fight for, but I have no doubt that he would go to the very end for the ones he does.

  Greg is mistaking quiet for weak.

  “I’m fine,” I reply, cringing at his attempt to be macho.

  Greg could definitely take care of himself, but my money will be on the brooding guy who’s always thinking.

  Greg nods. “Let’s forget him tonight.”

  “Sounds good to me. How are your parents?”

  “My mum misses you. She’s desperate to pass on her recipes to someone.”

  “You’ve not told her I can’t cook yet? I get that from my mum.”

  “She would only see that as a challenge and …”

  I stop listening—not because I’m not interested, but because I suddenly spot a pair of dark blue eyes burning into mine.

  Although I’m not looking at Greg, I do register him following what I’m staring at.

  He growls. “Seriously, he comes here?”

  His hostility snaps me out of my trance.

  “He didn’t know we would be here.”

  This town is small, and now that Linc is back, it seems so much smaller.

  “Whatever. The prick needs to leave.”

  “Don’t! You came here to have a drink with me, so let’s focus on catching up.”

  Greg turns back to me, and I smile.

  My mind is now anywhere but on catching up with him.

  12

  Linc

  This is exactly what I didn’t ever want to see.

  Ian walks past me to the bar.

  I swallow hard through the painful tightening of my throat as I try to ignore Tilly and Greg.

  Are they here on a date?

  “Dude?” Ian slaps my upper arm. He came back to see what’s kept me planted in the same spot. “What’re you drinking?” He turns his head, looking for the cause of my distraction. “Ah.”

  I take a few steps to the bar, breaking eye contact with Tilly. “I want a beer and a whiskey, but I’ll have a Coke.”

  Ian rests his elbows on the wooden bar and leans closer. “Do you want to leave?”

  Yes.

  “No. Why?”

  He tilts his head like he thinks I’m a dickhead. “They’re just friends.”

  “She can do what she wants.” The words burn.

  She can, of course, but I don’t have to like it.

  “I think you should tell her how you feel.”

  “I think you should shut up.”

  Laughing, he places our order and looks for a table. “There’s one near them … or we’re standing.”

  The table he’s talking about isn’t right next to them—there’s another couple between the tables—but it’s still a little close for comfort.

  “We’re standing,” I reply.

  “Fuck that, mate. I’ve been on my feet all day.”

  Ian orders and pays for our drinks, and I reluctantly follow him toward the free table right in the centre of my own personal hell.

  Tilly’s eyes meet mine, and she looks at me with so much hate, I barely recognise her. Greg’s jaw looks about ready to snap as he grits his teeth. So, there’s someone who hates me more than she does in this room. I’ll take that.

  I nod. “Tilly. Greg.”

  Ian stops and raises his eyebrow, clearly not thinking we’d stop for small talk.

  Greg only glares, but Tilly takes a breath and says, “Hello, Linc.”

  Linc.

  So, she’s not as mad at me as she wants to be right now. That’s a good start.

  “How’s it going, Tills?” Ian asks.

  I envy that he can be so casual when he’s talking to Tilly. That used to be my relationship with her.

  She nods, her eyes losing the tension when she looks at Ian. “Good, thanks. What are you guys up to?”

  That can be translated to, Why the hell is Linc here?

  “We need a drink.”

  Tilly’s amber eyes immediately seek out the drink I’m holding. Her shoulders relax when she sees the Coke. I’m not ever going back on my decision to quit drinking. My friend is dead as a direct result of alcohol, so it’s not happening. Not ever.

  I clear my throat. This is awkward as fuck, but I don’t really want to leave them alone. In fact, I want to pull a chair over and sit between them.

  “I think your table is being taken,” Greg says, straightening his back. He sounds desperate to get us away, his voice hitching a couple of octaves toward the end.

  Ian and I turn, and sure enough, someone is sitting on the table we were going for.

  “Damn,” Ian mutters. “Do you guys mind if we join you?”

  I would object, but I was about to say the same. Sure, she might be pissed off with me, but at least they won’t be alone. I sit down before either of them can reply.

  Ian takes the seat between me and Greg and says, “Thanks.”

  Tilly glances at me out of the corner of her eye, and the tightness is a kick to the gut. She’s still ma
d. Whatever. She’s often mad.

  “How are you?” I ask her, wanting to add, after the other day, but refraining.

  “Fine. You?” She’s being polite, but the clipped tone to her voice and death stare tell me she’s anything but.

  What the fuck is she doing with Greg?

  They’ve been friends ever since I can remember, but, like me, he wants more. He’s always wanted more though, and she’s never been interested. I don’t even think she knows how he feels; that’s how off her radar he is.

  “No Hanna or Mel tonight?”

  “No,” she replies, sipping her beer.

  “Tonight, Tilly is having a drink with me,” Greg says, interrupting our conversation.

  His words sound an awful lot like a big, Fuck off, to me and Ian. But we’re not going anywhere. The thought of her leaving with him makes me want to punch something and then chuck up.

  She’s mine. I don’t care about the circumstances. I don’t care about the past or what the future might be. Tilly is mine. She’s mine until she sends me away with no hope of anything ever happening.

  Even then, I’m not sure I’ll fully let her go.

  “Nice,” Ian says, settling back in his chair.

  I grin behind my glass of Coke.

  Ian strikes up a conversation with Greg about cars. Greg has always been super into cars, thinking he was going to be the next Ayrton Senna, so he can’t resist being sucked in.

  “Have you been back?” Tilly asks me.

  She doesn’t need to expand because I know she means to Robbie’s grave.

  “This morning,” I reply. Every morning.

  Nodding, she takes a long swig of her drink and closes her eyes.

  “Are you really okay with it?”

  “I think I am.” She gives me a smile. “I’m working on it.”

  “Thank you.”

  “So, Lincoln,” Greg says.

  Obviously, Ian’s conversation has run its course, or he’s just remembered that Tilly is here, too. I wonder why she’s not into him …

  “Yes, Greg?” I say and grit my teeth.

  His mouth lifts in a smirk that is begging to be punched. “You didn’t think it would be better to hire someone to work on your house? I mean, you must have better things to do than renovations on an old house.”

  “Nope, I’m good here.”